Just mADE A PArabola og urine
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
