I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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