We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize