i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You've changed since you got that strap on
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
