I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
