The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
