So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
