Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
