Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
