it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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