So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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