Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
