i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
