You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this beer tastes like vomit already
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
