im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
