I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
