I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
