I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize