I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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