Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
