You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She said her name was "party"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
