UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
