This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
