My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
