It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
