My nipple is on Facebook.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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