I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
