3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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