I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
