I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just had sex on a roof
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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