Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
