How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
