It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
