I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
