don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I need a burrito and a hug.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
