i don't like sucking hair
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
