True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
