State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
