do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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