Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
