what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Randomize
