Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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