OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think my moral compass just broke
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