somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize