If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
