dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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