I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
