be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
