Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
