she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
