last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
