Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
foreskin is a definite game changer
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
