I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
