But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
