did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
