you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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