Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
