I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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