My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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