He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
