he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
