i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
