yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
This girl is more easily done than said...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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