All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
