PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
