seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Never underestimate the power of titties
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
