That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
