I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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