I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
