dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
