pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize