i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
